Honestly this title came to my mind a long time ago and yet, even today I do not comprehend it 100%.
However, I believe that now it's time to clear things up and press on. So I am writing this at this very moment. Hopefully more would be touched for a greater reason and purpose.
Why sinner?
I don't recall realizing that I am a bad person, let alone sinner. It is true that I understand that I make mistakes, have bad temper and do crazy stuff. But I did NOT think that there is a problem with it. I guess it has a lot to do with self-center and comparison. I was never really one of those bad kids at school. Instead, I did quite well at school. So, I was actually one of the good students in teachers' eye. Looking back, I think that what the teachers or people around including family didn't know about was my heart. Or say, a huge problem with my soul.
I was like a sheep in the outside and the reality was I was kinda like a wolf. I don't know whether am ok to share all of them in details one day in front of others or not about the mistakes I made. But am soooooo grateful that Jesus saved me from a wretched life and gave me a new life when I decided to end it all by a stupid plan to commit suicide when I came to 40 if I could live that long.
WHAT is life about? I did NOT really know even I was 24 years old. Confused and lost, painful and hopeless, I was like a walking dead even everybody around thought that I was a happy person cuz I loved to laugh a lot. I remember that one time when I was trying to share my feelings with a close friend saying that am NOT happy. He burst into laughters and said:" You? Come on!" And that was the end of our conversation. And of course, I kept on smiling and laughing. You can call it pretending. And I had been getting lots of A+ for that. Primary school, middle school, high school, college...I might have got more A+ from faking and pretending that my actual scores with my homework and tests.
Anyways, what changed me is when I graduated from college. I was living such a sinful life, dishonouring my family, wasting time and money. Am sorry that I cannot shared much in details right now. But it was when I came to a hopeless situation in life that alllll the people I know of couldn't help me and I didn't know whom to ask, or say I didn't want to ask, Jesus was the only one who showed up and He was the only one that could solve my problems, from the past and the present and the future.
What did Jesus did?
He died on the cross, carrying ALL my sins! And He rose from the dead! And He took me home and counted me as His family and He forgave me! Can you imagine how it feels if a murderer that deserves death is now set free because someone else took his punishment? That's how I felt!
A sinner like me, is now a princess cuz He is the Almighty, King of Kings and Lord of Lords and He calls me His child.
And now it is such a blessing to know that it is not about who others think I am, nor it is about who I think I am. It is never about me, this whole world and universe. But it is about who the creator is. If we begin to know Him, we begin to live.
There are endless stories and blessings to share. But if you are interested to know more, please feel free to contact me. Am happy to share you in details cuz I think face to face talking is better.
Thanks so much for reading.
Love,
Anya
2016.08.01
